It was the spring of 2001, and Dan Savage was desperate. 

The popular sex columnist needed to come up with a “single, sexy word” for a specific act that had plenty of history — but no name. He polled his readers, giving them three choices: bob, punt, and peg.

By the first day of summer, more than 10,000 readers had weighed in, and Savage declared a winner: With 43% of the votes, “peg” had risen above the rest. And on June 21, 2001, the term “pegging” was born.

But don’t worry if you still don’t know what pegging is or how to do it safely. That’s what we’re here for.

What is sexual pegging?

So what is pegging in sex-speak? Imagine two heterosexual lovers reversing the doggy-style gender roles, with the man on his hands and knees and the woman penetrating him with a strap-on dildo. That’s the traditional definition of the word: a cisgender woman using a phallic object to perform anal sex on a cisgender man.

But it’s been more than 20 years since Savage and his readers coined the term, and conversations surrounding gender, sexuality, and inclusivity have evolved. A participant’s assigned sex at birth or where they fall on the Kinsey Scale matters less than the object they use to penetrate their partner. 

At its core, pegging is what someone of any gender or sexuality does when they use a sex toy to have anal sex with someone else. This usually falls into the context of a woman pegging a guy, but it can really be whatever you want it to be.

Are straight men who enjoy pegging actually gay?

The short answer is no. Anyone with a prostate can enjoy stimulating the nerve endings surrounding it and triggering stronger orgasms. Regardless of the gender of the people he’s attracted to, a cis man who enjoys pegging is nothing more than a man who isn’t afraid to admit he enjoys prostate stimulation.

The slightly longer answer is that the best thing anyone can do for their sexual health is to embrace what feels good without worrying about the stigma attached to it — especially when those stigmas come from homophobic beliefs. As long as what you’re doing is consensual, it can mean whatever you want it to. So: In conclusion, no, enjoying pegging doesn’t make a straight man gay.

Is pegging fun for women?

For those assigned male at birth (AMAB), one of pegging’s biggest draws is the intense prostate-induced orgasms we mentioned above. But it can also be a lot of fun for the cis women who wear the strap. When you’re used to being on the receiving end of penetration, swapping roles by entering your partner’s body as the pegger can feel incredibly empowering.

Branching out from vaginal sex can also encourage better communication in the bedroom. Talking about your boundaries, feelings, and desires can bring you and your partner closer (emotionally and physically). 

On top of that, pegging and every other type of anal sex can be painful if it doesn’t happen with everyone’s comfort in mind, and establishing boundaries and a safe word keeps the experience enjoyable — a practice that can carry over into every new sexual act you try.

How to try pegging for the first time 

This should go without saying, but both people need to be on board to try something new in the bedroom. If you’re curious to explore pegging but don’t know how to bring it up, try putting as little pressure on your partner as possible.

Instead of outright asking if you can peg them, phrase the question hypothetically: “Have you ever been curious to try pegging?” If they’re opposed to the idea, don’t push the issue further. Respect them and their right to say no. 

But if you’re both open to it, here are some steps to get you started.

1. Shop for supplies

Sex is often one of the cheapest forms of entertainment around. But you’ll need some supplies before you try pegging. You can purchase everything you need online, but if you’re comfortable, it’s a good idea to visit your local sex shop so you and your partner can see toys (and their size) in person before adding them to your cart.

• A strap-on dildo: The most common tool for pegging is a dildo, usually made from body-safe silicone. While shopping, you’ll probably find some that come with their own harnesses for ease of use. Others are “strapless” and have an end for each partner. You may even find a self-lubricating model, which can make anal penetration more comfortable. For added stimulation, look for a dildo with vibrator functionality, a feature both parties might enjoy.

• A harness: If your dildo doesn’t come with a harness, you can use your hand to hold it during the act. But hands-free penetration might feel more organic, so in that case, a harness is the way to go. Most have an O-ring that stabilizes the dildo where you attach it, so check the circumference to make sure you’re purchasing compatible products. If you want to vary the size of your sex toys, look for a harness with an interchangeable O-ring.

• Lubricant: When you buy a dildo, you should know what material it’s made from so you can choose an appropriate lubricant. In general, avoid silicone lube, which causes silicone sex toys to degrade over time. And try to find one that’s specifically for anal play, because the vagina and the rectum have different pH levels and different needs. If you’re unsure, your toy’s packaging should give you some guidance, and you can also ask the cashier at your local sex shop for some help.

2. Ease into it

The anus doesn’t self-lubricate as the vagina does, so we can’t overstate the importance of lube. But if your partner is new to anal penetration, lube is just one piece of the foreplay puzzle.

One good way to prepare the area is with anal training, which isn’t as complicated as the name suggests. Just as vaginal massage can warm you up for penetration, massaging the area around the anus and the skin between the scrotum and rectum can get the anus ready for pegging. 

Introduce a finger (with some lube) when your partner is ready. Then, move up to a butt plug or graduated anal trainers to prepare for the larger circumference of a dildo. You can even buy a pegging set with increasing dildo sizes to help you and your partner ease into the act.

3. Try different positions

Doggy style is one of the best sex positions for stimulating the “male G-spot,” aka the prostate. But don’t be afraid to mix things up, like having your partner sit on top of you or spooning them from behind. If it feels good to both of you, you’re doing it right. 

Discover new kinks

We’re firm believers in the role sexual pleasure plays in women’s health. And while we’re playing educator with this how-to guide, sometimes all you need to spice up your sex life is a little inspiration. 

That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. Whether you want to give pegging a shot or just need some new material for solo play, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories, body-positive affirmations, and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.